Sunday, June 19, 2011

Temple Recommend

So I got my temple recommend back :) It was a happy day for sure. I love the temple, and I can't wait to go back. It has been quite a while. The day before I got my recommend back, there were a lot of different things going on such that the temple was really on my mind. I know I didn't have my recommend, but I could feel myself at the temple. I took that as a pretty good sign that I was worthy to go back. The next day, I went to talk to Bishop. We small talked for a bit, talked about my calling, summer plans, etc. Then we got down to business, and started talking about the real reason I was there. After a while he asked if I was going to go to the temple this summer. I responded that I sure planned on it if I had my recommend. He said that it is important to be worthy to enter the temple, and to have confidence before God, but also that going to the temple brings us more confidence, and gives us more strength to be worthy. So he encouraged me to attend, and gave me back my recommend. I was so glad to have it back, but I didn't feel any different, like I thought I would. Everyday while he had it, I would think about it, and how much I wanted it back. Now that I have it back, I am so grateful, but I don't feel any different. I think the reasoning has something to do with what I read in the Book of Mormon Institute manual this week. It says in the manual (which I know is obvious), that it isn't the Bishop who forgives us, God does that. The Bishop acts as a judge in Israel, and represents the Lord, but he does not have the power to forgive. When I went to see him, I had already been forgiven. That is why I could feel myself at the temple the day before. The Bishop just restored the privileges of some of the blessing of the gospel to me. But I tell you what, it feels great to be found worthy by a judge in Israel.

I really feel like I am in a good place right now. I know that I need to work hard to keep it up though. I know that the Atonement is the only way that I can do that. I need to be continually strengthened by it, and I need to use the blessing of personal revelation to know the things I need to do each and every day in order to overcome this completely. Also, as I have also been working though the Addiction Recovery Program from LDS Family Services, I am learning more and more about myself. Some of the things are not relevant since I am not currently participating in my addiction, but there are so many good things in there, and I am learning a lot. I need to continue working though it. I am working on a moral inventory of myself. It is painful at times to try to remember all of the awful things I have done in the past eight years or so, but I know that it will help me leave this in the past forever, and that I won't just relapse, or switch to another addiction.

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