Thursday, December 29, 2011


It's been a while since my last post, but that is definitely not because there has been a lack of things for me to write about. I have had some really amazing experiences these last few months and I have really learned a lot. I've thought a lot about Elder Holland's General Conference address from April 2010, titled, "Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul". Go pray to be open to the spirit, and then go read it. It is really an amazing talk.

What it has made me think a lot about is the difference between love and lust, and how physical affection could be based on love rather than lust. Making a distinction between the two has been something that I have had trouble wrapping my head around. Well, I have experienced a tender mercy from the Lord. He blessed my life with an amazing man who taught me many things. One of which is how physical affection can be motivated by love, and not by lust. I don't know that I have words to explain it, it was something that I had to experience to understand. There was one night in particular that I think really taught me this lesson. The affection we showed each other spoke of love, compassion, tenderness, and a level of caring that I've never known. I felt like we were both trying to say "I love you" through a kiss. It wasn't, "I want you" or "I need you", but something much more enduring (sorry for the sappy details).

It always hurts when relationships end, especially when you have fallen in love, and this one was no exception. I am always grateful for the relationships I have, but I am especially grateful for this one. I was taught a lot about love. I experienced love in a way I never imagined.

I recently learned that one effect that addictions have is that they will take away an addicts capacity to have meaningful relationships. One of the outcomes of the recovery process is that the capacity for meaningful relationships increases. I had no clue that my addiction limited my capacity for meaningful relationships until I truly turned to God and progressed in my recovery. As I continue to progress, I see that capacity continue to expand. I find that the closer I come to my Savior, the greater my capacity to love others becomes. For me, it started with a close friend who loved me despite my faults. It grew even more as I developed this relationship. And I know that as I work each day to become closer to my Savior, that it will continue to increase, and will make me more able to love and to accept the love of others.

Love is powerful. Each time I feel love from another person, it increases my ability to love. It helps me recognize, and reminds me of the love that my Savior has for me