How do I forgive myself? This is a question that has been on
my mind lately, and I don’t think I’m the only one who has it. A friend of mine
alluded to this yesterday. She was reading some notes from a talk by Brad
Wilcox, His Grace is Sufficient.
The
older I get, and the more I understand this wonderful plan of redemption,
the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the
unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, “Let me stay.” No, he will probably be
saying, “Get me out of here!” Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if
anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus
begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please, choose to stay. Please, use my
Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to
stay.”
I have felt this, even with out making it to that final
judgment. I have felt Christ begging me to stay, but me pushing Him away,
because I didn’t feel worthy. I have felt His grace, and felt completely
forgiven for my sins, but at the same time felt quite confused. I didn’t
understand how it could be done. How could I go from a state of despair and
turmoil, to a state of such peace in an instant? How is it that I could do
wrong, yet still be loved. I think Isaiah had some insight into this.
For
a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.
In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting
kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith
the Lord thy Redeemer.
I am realizing that Brad Wilcox is right. Christ wants all of us to
come back. But we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. It is essential that
we learn to forgive ourselves. It is essential that I learn how to forgive
myself. God is much more perfect than I am, so of course He is going to be more
forgiving than I am. I know that He is full of mercy. I know that He loves me
more completely than I love myself. He wants better things for me than I want
for myself. I need to trust in His grace. And if He tells me I am worthy, I
need to trust Him, and forgive myself.
